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article provided by , to illustrate his discussion chat-program "Malchishnik"
Yeah, ok, the first thing? Stop thinking what you’re thinking and start concentrating on her. “But it’s so difficult”, you say when there is this other woman (or man) talking for her/to her and for you/to you. It’s only the first paragraph and I’m confused too.
So is there a good way, a best way, an etiquette or standard procedure for dealing with this awkward threesome of woman, man and interpreter?
I’ve interviewed the co-owner/relationship counselor/interpreter, Irina Timchenko, and some of the guide/interpreters of the Discover Ukraine Network and added from my own experience to come up with some tips for us would be suitors, businessmen, and aspiring communicators.
I like to think of a communication triangle and the three legs are her, you and the interpreter. Hmmm, so much symbolism in a triangle, but I digress. Though it is a triangle, for you there is only one leg that you will be looking at the vast majority of the time. It’s her. It’s her because she is the focus of communication, she needs to know she is the reason you are there. If you walk up to the gorgeous woman in the café, you don’t sit down and talk to her, but look at her friend in the next chair over, no you direct your attention to her. It’s the same with the interpreter and the woman you are pursuing at that moment.
 Try and position yourself, your gal and the interpreter in a triangle as opposed to a string or line. In a triangle you will both be able to look at one another and still hear the interpreter, likewise the interpreter will be able to hear and see you both. This is important for a couple reasons. First, you will avoid one of you having a strained neck from looking right, then left, then right, then…..if you’ve ever been in a group and seen this, it’s quite comical to watch, however it’s an unenviable position—don’t let it happen to you or the other legs of your triangle.
Second, if you have a good interpreter, someone who is more than a literal translator, positioning your threesome in this triangle will make their job easier and even help them interpret more and directly translate less. As an example, “humor” is a very difficult thing to convey sometimes. When your interpreter can see you speak, your facial expressions, your body language, and really see the context of your speaking they can then convey this to the woman as their ability allows. It also makes it easier if the woman can see you and intuitively she will also know it’s a joke coming and while telling your joke or hilarious anecdote your interpreter can see the woman’s expressions, body language, etc. they can really succeed in making you that really great, funny guy. How many profiles do you read where she says the most important or one of the most important qualities in a man is a “great sense of humor”? Need I say more?
Probably not, but that never stops me so onward.
 So position your threesome in a triangle. If you are standing, this is easy. At the café or restaurant use the corner of the table, put the interpreter on the corner with you and her to either side. This works well in a booth, and equally well on a table with a corner or a round table. And guys, use your head, the one above the collar. If you’re at a club or playing billiards or at the bowling alley, skating rink, wherever, and there are seats or chairs, make your triangle so you are the last to sit. If your interpreter is a woman, she is supposed to be “transparent”, not invisible and your woman will not like and may not tolerate you treating her with any less respect than she deserves as a woman. I mean you cannot be a prince to your woman and a pig to the translator, they will both see you as a pig.
Now while you are in this triangle, remember you are focused on one leg, and no it’s not the one crossed over the other knee ever so seductively bouncing up and down, though did you notice her toe is pointed towards you? Lucky you, well, that’s another article, but seriously dude, wtg. And, I’m back from my little detour, yes, you are focusing on her, looking into her eyes. Guys, this is actually a license to stare, yes that’s right, look at every inch of her beautiful face, hair, neck, ears (the neck and above, don’t be an oinker). While you are talking, speak loud enough for the interpreter to hear, but talk to your gal, not the interpreter. When she is speaking, look at her, she will notice and will probably start talking to you too.
So how do you know things are going well? If you have a good quality interpreter, she (or he) will become transparent in your communication and if you are communicating well, you will be looking at the woman and she will be looking at you and neither of you will be looking to the interpreter. If you are nervous you may have a tendency to use the interpreter as a crutch, after all they know your language, they understand you….this is a mistake and before you know it, the woman will be doing the same thing and the focal point of your communication has now become the interpreter. Think for a second, what is the most effective way to show disinterest? Avoid eye contact. When you do not focus on her, you are sending the message—“I’m more interested in this interpreter than you”. If this is really the case, get out politely, but get out. Both women will see you as a gentleman. These are not bridges you want to be burning. Word can travel quite fast about the foreigner gentleman or the foreigner pig. Your choice on which guy you want to be.
 Ok so neither of you can communicate in the others language effectively and yet, you’re both looking at one another, laughing at the right times at each others jokes and anecdotes, there is a softness in her face and eyes when she looks at you, things are indeed going well. So how do you make them go even better?
Well, to learn more about these little nuggets of communication you’ll have to read the second part of this article. And in the third and final part you will hear from interpreters on the DU Team sharing their opinions on common mistakes, most difficult concepts to interpret, funny, scary, embarrassing anecdotes and a special section from co-owner, relationship counselor and interpreter, Irina Timchencko regarding the qualities of a good interpreter, how to find one, what to look for. The pros and cons of a personal assistant versus an interpreter in each city or agency interpreters and more.
If you want to write me about your suggestions for successful threesomes, feel free or better yet, join me for Malchisnik on Thursdays, 9 pm EST where we’ll explore these and other subjects, talking about what we men like to talk about most.
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